Victory Over Selfishness

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others." Philippians 2:4

This scripture has helped me over the past two years address my own issues with selfishness. It took me awhile to admit to myself that I had a problem with being selfish, or stingy as my nephew calls it. But when you are very slow to offer or give others your time, money, possessions, or to lend an ear to friend when they need to talk, then you may have to look at your heart and find out why that is.

The heart is the wellspring of our lives. When we have problem areas in our lives, we must address the issues in our heart. Selfishness is one of those problem areas that focuses on the self too much and not enough on the plight of others. When you harbor selfishness in your heart it causes you to think of all the reasons why you shouldn't help or reach out to others when they need it.

If selfishness is allowed to go unaddressed in your life for too long, even after your family and friends may have confronted you on this issue many times, you will start to see how it affects your relationships and other areas of your life. Your relationships will suffer and you may even begin to lose friends or cut off loved ones because of your unwillingness to get yourself off your mind and help others.

And you may even say to yourself that you are helpful and that you have helped many people. Yet, it can be easy sometimes to help people when it causes no inconvenience or hardship for yourself. However, when you chose to lend an ear to your friend after she was fired from her job even though you are dead tired and just want to go to bed, it can strengthen your relationship, and even more so, it shows your friend how much you care for her, which at that time can mean the world.

When we are in the midst of trials regarding being selfish, it's those times that requires the most of us, whether it be with money or time, that causes us to grow the most. Once you are able to pass the test over and over again it is because you have conquered those difficult tasks.

When your world is all about you, it drives others away from you and create negative tension between you and your loved ones. But when you reach out to others, help others, and give to others it adds positive energy to your life and those around you, this in turn will help you strengthen your relationships and maintain your peace and joy.

As a person who has trouble with selfishness, I see how it can affect interpersonal relationships first hand. It caused me to feel down and upset with myself for not reaching out to others and lending a hand to help others more. I felt bad when people called me selfish and talked about how I didn't do more for people. I became defensive and I was more critical of others making sure to call out all their flaws...and that is no way to live.

Nothing changed until I took the step to admit that I actually was selfish. Even if other people in my family or one of my friends who I thought was selfish wouldn't admit their fault, I would still admit mine. This has helped me so much to be able to be mindful when I have the choice to get myself off my mind and do something to help others or to remain in selfish acts.

Understand that you have the same choice. Your relationships with your family and friends are so important and you want to handle those with the most care. Be honest with yourself and don't be so quick to dismiss others when they call you out on being selfish. If you want to enjoy your life and your relationships, you must address your issues with selfishness head on and not continue to make excuses and point the finger at others.

Even though you won't be able to eliminate selfishness over night and will no doubt have slip-ups here and there, the most important thing is that you understand it is a problem for you, you take steps to address it and you be patient with yourself as you look forward to being more helpful and giving off yourself (and some of your resources) and living a life full of joy and peace!